Friday, February 17, 2012

Why is there milk in his coke bottle? Also, several key points of irrelevance.

We will set aside my six billion and four excuses for not posting, and get straight to the heart of the matter. Or at least the pancreas of the matter. I am pretty sure it is more important than the appendix of the matter...

So, clearly, having goals is useless in getting me to post regularly. I think I need to bring booze into the equation. That is how one gets shit DONE. Or, at least, how I do. (I hope.)

So I am going to try and post more by posting while drunk/drinking. On the one hand, this makes perfect sense: A) everything is fun with booze; B) I forget; C) this blog was meant to be about drunken exploits; D) it is not clear to me why Hollywood equates leprosy with oatmeal on your skin. Which one of these things does not belong? God, I miss Sesame Street sometimes. The show. Not my dog. My dog is named Sesame Street Rumble, and he is right here. But I miss the show. Life was simpler then. Which just goes to show you: Sometimes I am funny when drinking, and sometimes not.

ANYCOW, I am watching (sort of) Shaolin Soccer. (Which spell check would like to call Sharline Soccer...which is just weird. I have an aunt with that name, and I assure you, she does not play soccer. She just scowls. With jowls.) We WERE going to watch some dumb ass Nick Cage movie (I was given 4 choices and thought it sounded slightly was in his brief gangster phase), but then we got into "The Face Off Conversation."

I contend that "The Face Off Conversation" is a universal phenomenon. Put simply: The movie sucked, but there were elements of awesome. (Aside from just the nostalgia of former John Woo glory, inevitably inspired by the double guns & doves.) Here is the question: WHO brought the awesome? Cage or Travolta? I think this is a no brainer. Plus, I think it reveals a lot about a person's character, such as: Are you smart? Or should you be relegated to giving me oral pleasures? I may be biased...

I think this post reveals just how mixed a bag drinking posts are. But, hell, it is closer to the goal. And it gives me a good excuse to drink again--TO TRY AGAIN! And cartoons tell me I should never give up my dreams. And I do everything cartoons tell me.

P.S. OH CRAP CRACKER SNACKERS! The title! In Shaolin Soccer, this dude is drinking a refreshing beverage...only it appears to be milk (which I hear is "a bad choice"), and it appears to be in a coke bottle. My whole thought process revolved around the theme of "what the monkey-trucking-fuck?" But, apparently, it did not sustain my attention past typing the title...

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