Saturday, February 18, 2012

I think important thoughts!

I have spent a lot of time wondering lately...If I had a beehive hairdo, how would it affect my day to day life?

I bet I would get a lot more free drinks. That would be good.

I bet I would spend a LOT more time on my hair. That would suck. It might even cut into my drinking time. That would suck even more, especially if it cut into my drinking time so much that I couldn't drink the free drinks I got. That is nigh on the definition of hell. I bet that is the evil plan of beehive hairdos in the first place...Maybe beehives are alien parasites that live off booze...I am glad I took the time to think about it. Now I have saved me AND YOU from playing into the hands of evil booze stealing aliens. Community Service. I should get to bank these hours, just in case I ever commit a crime, get convicted, and have to do community service. Then I would be ahead of the game.

Crap monkeys! I have managed to post (rambling, nonsense though it is...), but I can't attach it to Science. Only drinking. I gots my drinking pants on.fffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff
Those "f"s were totally accidental, but I am leaving them. Why? Because I am stubborn. And inebriated. And it allows me to pretend this post is longer.

Fun fact: I own a breathalyzer. Why you ask? Because I lived in Madison, Wisconsin for a year. Craaaazy awesome town (as in the adult, bohemian book club, art show, interesting band variety)...but also full of some WILD drinking. Best place in the world for a Bloody Mary. Because EVERYONE is hung over on Saturday and Sunday morning. One quickly loses perspective. My rampant drinking quickly looked mild. BUT I AM A RESPONSIBLE ADULT! Or, at least, I pretend. I don't drink and drive.Wisconsin has the worst drunk driving record in the country (after I got my breathalyzer, I encountered DD's that blew .09 or higher--even .14!), and I did not want to participate. It turned out that a breathalyzer makes a great drinking game--everyone wants to know where they are in the drunkenness scheme. To be fair, though, I also carried malt vinegar and Cholula in my car in Wisconsin. But that is a different story.

By the way, I have pics I need to post. Including the pic of the vicious cocktail sword that PENETRATED the flesh of my cheek. I was violated. By a root beer pirate.

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