Sunday, February 19, 2012

Pirate Rootbeer

Doesn't look too exciting, does it?

Well that's where you are wrong, buck-O. That is Pirate Rootbeer, mother-trucker. It is diet root beer with a fuck-ton of 100 proof root beer vodka in it. And it tastes like root beer with a hard-on. (Actually, it tastes like fancy craft root beer, but that sounds neither funny nor all pirate aggressive-like.)

What makes it really fun? (I might as well fess up before Jsun demands credit ANYWAYS. Like it is my fault he is funny...) As it was explained to me (and mind you, if you have not followed this blog--which nobody has, so you haven't--there has been some curiosity as to why EVERYTHING was garnished with a lime for awhile, even if there was no lime in the drink), the lime was not a garnish. The lime was EQUIPMENT. It held the cocktail sword. (Because how in the hell are you supposed to have a pirate cocktail without a sword?) So the lime was not part of the drink, but a means of securing the necessary sword to the drink.

This was demonstrated to me when the lime was poked into my face...Which resulted in the sword jabbing through the lime and stabbing me in the cheek. I WAS PENETRATED BY A COCKTAIL SWORD!

On the other hand, I found it so amusing, I immediately tweeted a demonstration of how much I love my life. Because, really...When was the last time you were stabbed in the face with a cocktail sword?

P.S. The reason there is no recipe for this balls-awesome drink is that PIRATES DON'T USE RECIPES!!!
I thought this was an unspoken truth, but Jsun said I needed to explain myself. Like crazy gets better if you fill in the blanks.

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