Thursday, June 30, 2011

It's Science. Period.

Some people think science involves generating testable hypotheses and then gathering data to either confirm or refute those hypotheses. Oh, how little imagination they have.

The fact of the matter is, real Science most often involves a martini glass. Real Science is easy. You just say shit as though it is true. Sometimes you label the Science as Science to give it that patina of authority and legitimacy. Like Scientology.

The upside to my brand of Science is that, unlike most of the carpet-baggers running around trying to co-opt the notion of "science" to lend credibility to whatever random pitch they are making for money or power, my Science is labeled as the malarkey it is. And it is capitalized. Science.

So here is the deal: I often find myself saying things (frequently with aforementioned martini glass in hand) with an air of authority. I am a pretty smart cookie and tend to know a lot of stuff, so people often believe me. Sometimes when I say stuff, though, it occurs to me that I think I read that tidbit of information in a reputable journal (or other legitimate source of information)...but I might have just made it up. Most often this is the product of cobbling together partial information I have from disparate sources, rather than fabricating something entirely. As a firm believer in, and lover of, science (as opposed to Science) I don't want to mislead my listener. The culmination of this rambling diatribe is that, some time back, I began adding the disclaimer, "But that may be a Scientific Fact I just made up."

I add this disclaimer to statements I make (most often inebriated) that I think were factually accurate, but I can't be sure due to my inability to recall the precise source of the information. I find the use of disclaimers liberating, so now I sometimes will just make a wild guess, state it as fact, then add a disclaimer. (Millions of corporations can't be wrong...can they?) The fun thing is, sometimes I am right. Other times, I am fantastically wrong.

Over time I became curious about the nature and themes of these Scientific Facts, and wondered whether more of them were accurate or inaccurate. Since there is no way to measure, observe, and analyze such things, I thought I would just post them here and see if they continue to be entertaining.

Either that, or I just say funny shit when I am drunk and wanted to have a proper receptacle for my (and my friend's) pie-eyed pearls of wisdom.