1.5 oz. Vodka
1.5 oz. Cointreau
.75 oz. Pickled bologna brine (this KILLS me)
Smoked paprika for garnish
My brain KNOWS this is disgusting...but my mouth keeps saying it is tasty. If that isn't Science, I don't know what the fuck is.
Monday, December 5, 2011
I know this should be disgusting...
1.5 oz. Vodka
1.5 oz. Cointreau
.75 oz. Pickled bologna brine (this KILLS me)
Smoked paprika for garnish
My brain KNOWS this is disgusting...but my mouth keeps saying it is tasty. If that isn't Science, I don't know what the fuck is.
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Blinding me with Science!
Sometimes the strangest ideas will flash through my mind--with no apparent provocation--and I accidentally believe them before I notice what is happening.
I was just getting back into my car after pumping gas (sadly, this is sober Science). I was chewing some key lime pie gum (Scientifically proven to be delicious, though not as delicious as the orange creamcicle gum), and I had the thought, "I should be careful not to slam my tongue in the car door." And I was. Very careful.
Which is, of course, ridiculous. Everyone knows you have to try very, very, VERY hard to slam your tongue in a car door. And if they didn't know before, they do now. Because I said so. It is a Scientific fact.
P.S. This vaguely reminds me of how I spent all last weekend anxious because I had a dream that I got an email at work saying I was in trouble (though I wasn't in trouble in real life). Then the next night I had anxiety dreams all night that it turned out the dream email was real and I really was in trouble. By the next morning I was thoroughly anxious and confused, and even though I knew it was nonsense I could not entirely put my mind at ease until I got to work on Monday. That probably isn't Science, though. That's just crazy. And I should know.
I was just getting back into my car after pumping gas (sadly, this is sober Science). I was chewing some key lime pie gum (Scientifically proven to be delicious, though not as delicious as the orange creamcicle gum), and I had the thought, "I should be careful not to slam my tongue in the car door." And I was. Very careful.
Which is, of course, ridiculous. Everyone knows you have to try very, very, VERY hard to slam your tongue in a car door. And if they didn't know before, they do now. Because I said so. It is a Scientific fact.
P.S. This vaguely reminds me of how I spent all last weekend anxious because I had a dream that I got an email at work saying I was in trouble (though I wasn't in trouble in real life). Then the next night I had anxiety dreams all night that it turned out the dream email was real and I really was in trouble. By the next morning I was thoroughly anxious and confused, and even though I knew it was nonsense I could not entirely put my mind at ease until I got to work on Monday. That probably isn't Science, though. That's just crazy. And I should know.
Saturday, November 5, 2011
Birthday Science? Culinary Science? Something...
Jsun: I got you babies for your birthday. Six of them. I got you sextuplets for your birthday.
Me: Gross! You better not have! Are they for cooking?
Jsun: Yes. Babies are for braising.
Me: Silly man! You don't braise babies. Babies are tender, they don't need to be braised.
Jsun: You're right. Babies are the Cornish game hens of cannibalism.
Me: It's Science.
Me: Gross! You better not have! Are they for cooking?
Jsun: Yes. Babies are for braising.
Me: Silly man! You don't braise babies. Babies are tender, they don't need to be braised.
Jsun: You're right. Babies are the Cornish game hens of cannibalism.
Me: It's Science.
Friday, October 21, 2011
Science teaches manners: An open letter to the guy behind me
Dear Sir,
Coughing transmits droplets of moisture from one person's lungs/throat/mouth/nose to another's. If Science had not already taught me this, I would now know it thanks to the exhilarating mist of sputum showered upon me by your gooey baby-thing.
Now, I realize you are used to being covered in the juices of your funky little foundling--but I am not. I don't want you to think it is merely the novelty of this mucosal assault that irks me, though.
Science also teaches us that those droplets of moisture are chock-a-bock full of bacteria and viruses. Given the stream of fluid spewing from every orifice in the head of your unfortunate offspring, I suspect there were plenty of bacteria and viruses to go around.
Given that you turned your head the one time you coughed, I suspect you have already learned these valuable lessons from Science. Now, I think you should allow Science to teach you another valuable lesson in manners:
POINTING YOUR LITTLE CROTCH FRUIT AT ME WHILE HE IS COUGHING IS JUST AS FUCKING RUDE AS COUGHING ON ME YOURSELF.
For the love of crackers, man! Point it elsewhere, cover it up, leave it at home, whatever it takes! Just keep your baby slime to yourself! Science says so.
Coughing transmits droplets of moisture from one person's lungs/throat/mouth/nose to another's. If Science had not already taught me this, I would now know it thanks to the exhilarating mist of sputum showered upon me by your gooey baby-thing.
Now, I realize you are used to being covered in the juices of your funky little foundling--but I am not. I don't want you to think it is merely the novelty of this mucosal assault that irks me, though.
Science also teaches us that those droplets of moisture are chock-a-bock full of bacteria and viruses. Given the stream of fluid spewing from every orifice in the head of your unfortunate offspring, I suspect there were plenty of bacteria and viruses to go around.
Given that you turned your head the one time you coughed, I suspect you have already learned these valuable lessons from Science. Now, I think you should allow Science to teach you another valuable lesson in manners:
POINTING YOUR LITTLE CROTCH FRUIT AT ME WHILE HE IS COUGHING IS JUST AS FUCKING RUDE AS COUGHING ON ME YOURSELF.
For the love of crackers, man! Point it elsewhere, cover it up, leave it at home, whatever it takes! Just keep your baby slime to yourself! Science says so.
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Francy pants chocolate!
What the fuck was I going to say about this cocktail? No one here knows. And they are the ones that insisted I post!
It is:
3/4 oz. Brandy
3/4 oz. Creme de cacao
3/4 oz. Half and half
1/4 oz. Green creme de menthe
Garnish with shavings of premium-ass chocolate. There seems to be some competition for the shavings...I am hoping for hot oil wrestling...
Science has an anus ring!
Okay, so...Anus tattoos. Something needs to be said...but what?
It started with a porn star's tattoo around her butt hole, something to the effect of "One ring to rule them all, One ring to bind them." The question arose as to whether you would hold your own ass cheeks apart for the requisite number of hours, or if you would ask someone else to hold your ass cheeks apart. I think it ended with the question of whether you would wear underwear (and risk a wedgie) if you were going to church on Easter with grandma during the healing period...We decided that if you have an anus tattoo, it is more likely that grandma goes to Easter church commando than you wearing underwear during the healing process. It is just common sense. It is Science!
Also:
Apparently anal tattoos are a remedy for chronic back pain:
"The tattoo needles actually draw out the back cramps through your anus...The ink is actually just the good juju that is deposited into your back through your anus." Medical Science by Chaseycakes.
It started with a porn star's tattoo around her butt hole, something to the effect of "One ring to rule them all, One ring to bind them." The question arose as to whether you would hold your own ass cheeks apart for the requisite number of hours, or if you would ask someone else to hold your ass cheeks apart. I think it ended with the question of whether you would wear underwear (and risk a wedgie) if you were going to church on Easter with grandma during the healing period...We decided that if you have an anus tattoo, it is more likely that grandma goes to Easter church commando than you wearing underwear during the healing process. It is just common sense. It is Science!
Also:
Apparently anal tattoos are a remedy for chronic back pain:
"The tattoo needles actually draw out the back cramps through your anus...The ink is actually just the good juju that is deposited into your back through your anus." Medical Science by Chaseycakes.
Friday, October 7, 2011
Stupid ninjas!
"Pluralization counts! I don't know why my butt is wet."
And, on another occasion:
"That is some good beer! I need to take off my pants."
And, on another occasion:
"That is some good beer! I need to take off my pants."
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