Ectoplasmgasm

I don't think this post worked out so well. If you are new here (which everyone is--if there was anyone...which there isn't), I would try this, or this, or maybe this. Hmmm...Maybe you should just come have a drink. Then you would know I am funny. I am much funnier with a lot of context...and the ability to use hand gestures...and facial expressions...and to flash my boobs at the audience if the whole thing goes south...

I...don't exactly remember this. Not that I was so drunk (possible), but it was just awhile ago and I found this picture I forgot to write about (true).



My biggest question is, why is there no damn cherry in there? We were putting limes on goddamned everything for awhile, all the colors of the rainbow--why not a cherry when the drink is green? Or at least a damn lime? Or some curtains...Or SOMETHING! Though perhaps I should just be thankful there was nothing on the drink to stab me. Even though the last drink stabbing made me exquisitely happy. So I shouldn't be thankful after all. Great. We are right back where we started, and the journey wasn't even entertaining. Unless you've been drinking. Which, of course, I have not. I don't go in for that sort of thing.

Oh yeah. I was going to say something about this picture. (I swear, I have the attention of a chimpanzee on crack.) So, it's defining characteristic is generic, store-brand Kiwi-Watermelon soda. To be honest, I didn't want to get involved...BUT THEN IT WAS ECTOPLASM GREEN!!! I still didn't want to drink it, but I sure as hell wanted to watch someone else drink it. That is the best part about making drinks for a lot of your loved ones: You get to see people drink shit that fascinates you, but you don't want to drink.

I don't know what booze was in there, but does it matter? Let's call it vodka. Who cares. Unless you are offering. Then I totally vote for vodka. Unless you have bourbon.

I think it may be time for bed again. DAMNIT! I WILL DEFEAT YOU ONE DAY, INSOMNIA! AND THEN I WILL BE FUNNY AGAIN!!!


P.S. I am stupidly watching "Toddlers &Tiaras" again...I like the "crazy," but it has gone well beyond that...I think this may be the last time I watch it, as it now seems a bit evil...A mom is pitting TWINS against each other, and is obviously on the side of one over the other...I am seriously debating whether I need to call DSS...I don't/can't...but some people are evil bitches. Just saying.

P.P.S. I may be sensitive to this...My little sisters (twins) used to insult each other as "ugly" or "fat"--even though just about anyone looking at them would call them identical. Breaks my heart, and always had.

P.P.P.S. Damnit! That isn't fun! How about this: I just took my top off. Topless blogging.

P.P.P.P.S. I was just going to say it--but I couldn't. I don't like to lie. Especially about nudity. NUDITY IS MY FAVORITE!

P.P.P.P.P.S. (I just said "pee-pee" more than twice! *giggle*) This post is a total patchwork--if that wasn't obvious--I totally jumped from beginning, to end, to middle, to middle of the end, to end of the beginning, to end of the middle...and so on. There was a lot of variance in...um, carbs? Does that cover it? (We all know I am drinking, I am just trying to find a good euphemism...)


This was clearly GASMIC.

(new) P.S. I once tried to get the license plate "ORGA" on a custom state plate that had the automatic suffix "SM". No dice. Party poopers. I went for "MIA." I found it hilarious, but I spent the year explaining that my name was not "Mia" and that I did not have an acquaintance in the military who was "M.I.A." Apparently no one was familiar with the concept of the miasmic theory of infection...and thus did not get why it was HILARIOUS to call my car a "miasm."

What I learned that year: No matter how funny you find a joke, if you have to explain it to EVERYONE--maybe it isn't all that funny.

Pirate Rootbeer

Doesn't look too exciting, does it?



Well that's where you are wrong, buck-O. That is Pirate Rootbeer, mother-trucker. It is diet root beer with a fuck-ton of 100 proof root beer vodka in it. And it tastes like root beer with a hard-on. (Actually, it tastes like fancy craft root beer, but that sounds neither funny nor all pirate aggressive-like.)

What makes it really fun? (I might as well fess up before Jsun demands credit ANYWAYS. Like it is my fault he is funny...) As it was explained to me (and mind you, if you have not followed this blog--which nobody has, so you haven't--there has been some curiosity as to why EVERYTHING was garnished with a lime for awhile, even if there was no lime in the drink), the lime was not a garnish. The lime was EQUIPMENT. It held the cocktail sword. (Because how in the hell are you supposed to have a pirate cocktail without a sword?) So the lime was not part of the drink, but a means of securing the necessary sword to the drink.

This was demonstrated to me when the lime was poked into my face...Which resulted in the sword jabbing through the lime and stabbing me in the cheek. I WAS PENETRATED BY A COCKTAIL SWORD!

On the other hand, I found it so amusing, I immediately tweeted it...as a demonstration of how much I love my life. Because, really...When was the last time you were stabbed in the face with a cocktail sword?
Yeah.
It was AWESOME.



P.S. The reason there is no recipe for this balls-awesome drink is that PIRATES DON'T USE RECIPES!!!
I thought this was an unspoken truth, but Jsun said I needed to explain myself. Like crazy gets better if you fill in the blanks.